Mirror Neurons: Practical Applications for Parents (Part 3)
This is Part 3 of our Mirror Neurons series. [Read Part 1 here] and [Read Part 2 here]
In the first two parts of this series, we explored how mirror neurons create a powerful connection between your emotional state and your child’s. Now let’s focus on what matters most: practical ways to use this knowledge in your everyday parenting.
The good news? You don’t need a neuroscience degree to leverage the power of mirror neurons. Simple, consistent practices can create profound changes in your family’s emotional landscape.
Three Powerful Ways to Use Mirror Neurons
1. Narrate Your Regulation Process
One of the most effective ways to help your child develop regulation skills is to verbalize your own regulation process. This gives their mirror neurons a clear template to follow.
What it looks like:
“I’m feeling frustrated right now because we’re running late. I can feel the tension in my shoulders. I’m going to take three deep breaths and notice how my body feels… Now I’m feeling a bit calmer and can think more clearly about what needs to happen next.”
Why it works:
When you narrate your process, you’re not just telling your child about regulation. You’re showing them the actual neural pathway from dysregulation back to balance. Their mirror neurons can then create similar pathways in their own brain.
Start small:
Begin by narrating one regulation moment per day. Choose a relatively minor emotion rather than your
most triggering situations as you build this skill.
2. Process Emotions in Their Presence
Many parents believe they should hide their emotions from their children. But appropriate emotional processing in front of your child provides essential learning opportunities.
Real–life example:
During a discussion with my teenage daughter that was becoming heated, I paused mid-conversation
and said, “I know you didn’t mean for it to happen, but what you just said created a feeling of rejection in my body. I need a minute to process it before we continue.”
I then took that minute to find where I felt the emotion physically, observe it without judgment, and allow it to move through me using the [STOP Method](link to STOP Method post). After processing that feeling, I was able to continue our conversation from a much more regulated place, and my daughter witnessed the entire process.
The result? Not only did it defuse what could have escalated into an argument, but it showed her that emotions can be acknowledged, processed, and moved through rather than either suppressed or exploded with.
Why it works:
When children never see adults process emotions, they conclude that emotions should be hidden or that adults don’t have them. Witnessing your healthy processing shows them that emotions are normal and manageable.
Important distinction:
This doesn’t mean processing trauma or adult-level problems in front of your child. It means showing
appropriate emotional regulation for age-appropriate situations.
3. Repair Regulation Ruptures
Even with the best intentions, you won’t maintain perfect regulation. That’s both normal and actually beneficial, because repair moments are powerful teachers.
What it looks like:
“I was really frustrated earlier when I raised my voice. I notice I was feeling overwhelmed and didn’t take time to regulate first. I’m going to take some deep breaths now and reset. Next time, I’ll try to pause before responding when I feel that way.”
Why it works:
Repair moments show that regulation isn’t about perfection. It’s about the return to balance. This may be the most important regulation skill of all, as it teaches resilience and the possibility of starting fresh.
Remember:
A good repair focuses on your own process rather than blaming or lecturing. It models taking
responsibility for your emotional state.
Adaptations for Different Ages
Preschoolers (2-5 years)
- Use simple language: “Mommy feels frustrated. Taking deep breaths helps.”
- Incorporate play: Use stuffed animals to demonstrate regulation
- Focus on physical co-regulation: Rocking, holding, breathing together
- Create visual supports: Simple emotion charts or pictures
Elementary Age (6-10 years)
- Use more detailed narration: “I’m feeling disappointed about our canceled plans. I notice it feels heavy in my chest.”
- Introduce regulation tools you use: “This is my journal where I write down big feelings.”
- Discuss mirror neurons in simple terms: “Our brains learn from watching other brains!”
- Practice regulation together: “Let’s both find where we feel this in our bodies.”
Teens (11-18 years)
- Respect their independence while modeling: “I’m working on my own regulation right now.”
- Be authentic without oversharing: “I’m feeling anxious about this deadline, so I’m using my tools.”
- Acknowledge their expertise: “What helps you when you feel this way?”
- Highlight their regulation victories: “I noticed how you handled that frustration. That was impressive.”
When Your Child Has Specific Challenges
If your child has anxiety, ADHD, autism, or other neurodevelopmental differences, these mirror neuron strategies become even more important and may need some adaptations.
For Anxious Children
- Emphasize the temporary nature of emotions in your narration
- Model acceptance of uncomfortable feelings rather than avoidance
- Show confidence in your ability to handle uncertainty
- Demonstrate self-compassion rather than perfectionism
For Children with ADHD
- Keep narration concise and engaging
- Use more physical and visual components in co-regulation
- Emphasize the process rather than perfect outcomes
- Model recovering from distractions and returning to focus
For Children with Autism
- Be more explicit in your emotion labeling
- Recognize they may have different sensory experiences
- Use concrete, specific language about emotions
- Respect sensory needs in physical co-regulation
Common Questions About Mirror Neurons in Parenting
“What if I struggle with my own regulation?”
Start exactly where you are. Even small improvements in your regulation will benefit your child. The goal isn’t perfect regulation. It’s growth and progress. Consider therapy or coaching for yourself as an investment in your whole family’s wellbeing.
“How long before I see changes in my child?”
Mirror neuron effects happen on multiple timelines. Some co-regulation benefits are immediate (like a child calming when you calm). Other changes in their independent regulation abilities develop gradually over weeks and months as neural pathways strengthen.
“What if my co–parent has a very different regulation style?”
Children can adapt to different adults’ regulation styles. Focus on your own regulation journey while maintaining respectful communication with your co-parent about the importance of emotional health. Often, as one parent changes their approach, the family system gradually shifts.
Small Steps, Big Impact
Remember, leveraging mirror neurons isn’t about adding complicated techniques to your already full parenting plate. It’s about bringing mindfulness to the connection that already exists between your nervous system and your child’s.
Even implementing one small practice, like narrating your regulation process once a day, can create meaningful shifts in your family’s emotional patterns.
In the final part of our series, we’ll explore how mirror neurons can help break unhealthy generational patterns and create lasting change in your family’s emotional legacy.
Want to learn specific regulation techniques you can model for your child? Download my free Steady Parent Toolkit for five powerful strategies that will help you become the steady presence your child needs.