Ashley Jangro, LPCC • 7 min read • Thought Patterns & Mental Health
"I know it's not true, but it still feels true."
I hear this all the time in my therapy office, especially from smart, self-aware women who've done their work. They understand that thoughts aren't facts. They can logically see that their interpretation might be off. But then their body tenses, their heart races, their stomach drops, and suddenly they feel like a 10-year-old who just got left out at recess.
If this sounds familiar, here's what I want you to know: You're not doing anything wrong. Your brain is actually working exactly as designed.
Your Brain Creates Shortcuts to Keep You Safe
When you experience something painful (rejection, shame, abandonment, humiliation), your brain takes a mental snapshot to help you avoid it in the future. It creates shortcuts like:
- "When people use that tone, it means I'm not safe."
- "When I'm excluded, it means I'm not wanted."
- "When I speak up, I get shut down."
These snapshots become automatic thoughts, then core beliefs, and eventually they feel like absolute truth. You don't consciously choose this process. Your brain just files it away and pulls it back out whenever something in your current life resembles that old memory, even vaguely.
This is why you can't just logic your way out of these feelings.
Why Logic Alone Doesn't Work
By the time your thinking brain catches up and says, "Wait, that's probably not true," your body has already responded to the perceived threat. Your jaw is tight, your chest is heavy, your mind is spinning. You're already flooded.
Telling yourself to "stop overthinking" or "don't take it personally" is about as helpful as telling someone having a panic attack to just relax. Your nervous system needs more than logic. It needs regulation.
What I Tell My Clients Instead
"Of course you're feeling this. Your brain is doing exactly what it was trained to do."
This is a moment for compassion, not self-judgment. Your brain learned these patterns when you were young and didn't have the tools to question them. A belief is really just a thought you've thought over and over until it carved a groove in your brain.
But here's what's important to remember: You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts. You get to decide which ones you want to keep and which ones no longer serve you.
The catch? It takes time, repetition, and patience. You're essentially retraining your brain, and that doesn't happen overnight.
A Simple Process for When Thoughts Feel True (But Aren't)
Here's what I walk my clients through when this happens:
1Notice the Thought
What's the specific story running through your mind? Get it down to one clear sentence:
- "She's mad at me."
- "I'm failing as a mom."
- "They don't like me."
- "I always mess things up."
2Name the Emotion
What feeling comes with that story? Pick one word: anxious, ashamed, rejected, angry, sad.
3Regulate Your Body First
Before you try to think differently, help your body feel safe:
- • Take a few deep breaths
- • Relax your shoulders
- • Extend your exhales
- • Remind yourself: This is not an emergency
Your body needs to calm down before your brain can think clearly.
4Gently Question the Story
Once you're regulated, ask:
- • Is this story 100% true?
- • What evidence do I have for other possibilities?
- • Who would I be without this thought?
- • How would I show up if I didn't believe it?
You're not trying to force yourself to believe the opposite. You're just creating space for other options.
Belief Change Happens in Layers
Think of beliefs like grooves carved into your brain from years of repeated thinking. You're not going to fill in those grooves overnight. But every time you notice the old story, regulate your body, question the thought, and choose a more grounded perspective, you're softening that groove and creating space for a new one.
Eventually, your default response changes. The thought that used to feel absolutely true starts to feel more distant, less urgent, less sticky.
That's when you know you're rewiring your brain, not just changing your mind.
You Don't Have to Get Rid of All Negative Thoughts
The goal isn't to eliminate every uncomfortable thought. It's to stop letting them run your life. Your thoughts are powerful, but you are more powerful. You are the one behind the thoughts, the one who notices them, the one who gets to choose what to do with them.
And here's what I wish someone had told me years ago: You're allowed to pause. You're allowed to question stories you've carried since childhood. You're allowed to create new narratives that actually serve you.
That's not denial or toxic positivity. That's growth.
Ready to Stop Being Held Hostage by Your Thoughts?
This is exactly the kind of work I do with clients who are ready to feel steady, clear, and in charge of their inner world. If you're tired of your thoughts controlling your emotions and your emotions controlling your life, let's work together to change that pattern.
Transform Your Relationship with Your Thoughts
Want to start now? Download my free Steady Within Method for practical tools to begin retraining your thought patterns.
Ready for deeper support? Book a free consultation to explore how we can work together.
Ashley Jangro, LPCC
Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate specializing in thought pattern retraining and emotional regulation. Ashley helps clients move from being controlled by their thoughts to becoming the compassionate observer of their inner world, creating lasting change through practical, evidence-based approaches.