Ashley Jangro, LPCC • Castle Rock Therapist & Life Coach • 8 min read
You have approximately 60,000 thoughts per day. Most of them? The exact same thoughts you had yesterday.
Your brain is not trying to sabotage you. It is trying to be efficient. And the most efficient thing your brain can do is automate as much as possible.
Think of your neural pathways like paths through a forest.
The Forest Path Metaphor
When you were a child, your brain was forming perceptions based on your environment, your parents' reactions to you, the messages you received about yourself and the world.
You had a thought that seemed true. Maybe it was "I'm not good enough" or "People will leave me" or "I have to be perfect to be loved."
Then, because your brain loves efficiency, it started thinking that thought over and over. Similarly to if you walked a forest pathway over and over, it became more worn.
The grass got trampled. Then dirt appeared. Then it became a clear trail.
Eventually, that thought you practiced thousands of times became a belief. A superhighway in your brain. An automatic route your thoughts take without you even being aware of it.
"Neurons that fire together wire together." This is your brain doing exactly what it is designed to do.
The Problem with Superhighways
Here is the issue: those superhighways were built when you were young, when your brain was still developing, when you had limited information about the world.
And now? You are driving down those same roads without even realizing you chose them.
Your teenager does not do their laundry. Your brain automatically takes the superhighway: "They don't respect me."
Your child gets a bad grade. Your brain automatically takes the superhighway: "I'm failing as a parent."
Your partner seems distant. Your brain automatically takes the superhighway: "They are mad at me" or "They don't love me anymore."
These thoughts happen so fast, so automatically, that they feel like truth. They feel like reality. They feel like facts.
But they are not facts. They are just well-worn paths.
Thought Creates Feeling Creates Action Creates Results
Here is why this matters so much:
Your thought creates a feeling. That feeling drives your actions. Your actions create your results.
If your automatic thought is "my teenager doesn't respect me," you feel hurt and angry. From that hurt and anger, you snap at them or shut down. And guess what that creates? More distance. More disconnection. The exact result that confirms your original thought.
You just proved yourself right. But you were not right. You just drove down the same neural superhighway and got the same destination.
Bushwhacking New Pathways
So what do we do instead?
We bushwhack new pathways. We intentionally create new neural routes.
This is not about toxic positivity. This is not about pretending everything is fine when it is not. This is not about just thinking happy thoughts and ignoring reality.
This is about finding thoughts that feel TRUE and also feel BETTER.
Real Example: The Glasses Story
My daughter needed glasses but did not like wearing them. For an entire year, there was a girl in her class who thought my daughter hated her.
Because my daughter was not wearing her glasses, she was squinting to try to see faces. To the other girl, it looked like my daughter was giving her dirty looks. And because my daughter genuinely could not see her, my daughter would walk right past her as if she did not exist.
The girl's confidence took a hit. Her brain created a narrative: "She's rude. She hates me."
For a full year, she practiced that thought. She felt hurt. She avoided my daughter. She created distance. The result? No friendship. Which confirmed the original thought.
She was not crazy. She was not making it up. Her brain was doing exactly what brains do - creating a story to explain what she was seeing. She just needed a different perspective. A different way of seeing the same situation.
That is what reframing is. Looking at the same situation and asking: what else could be true here? What if the story my brain created is not the only possible explanation?
How to Actually Reframe
Step one: Notice the automatic thought. This requires awareness. Most of your thoughts are happening below your conscious awareness. You have to slow down and investigate.
What story are you telling yourself right now?
Step two: Ask if it is objectively true. Not if it FEELS true. If it IS true. Could you prove it in court?
"My teenager does not respect me" - Can you prove that? Or is it possible they are just being a teenager who forgot about laundry because their brain is still developing and executive function is hard?
Step three: Find a thought that feels true AND better. Not a thought that feels fake. Not a thought that you do not believe. But a thought that opens up possibility instead of shutting it down.
Instead of:
"My teenager doesn't respect me"
Try:
"My teenager is learning responsibility and I can teach them without taking it personally"
Instead of:
"I'm failing as a parent"
Try:
"One grade does not define my child or my parenting"
Instead of:
"My partner is mad at me"
Try:
"My partner might be dealing with something that has nothing to do with me"
Notice how these reframes feel different in your body? They create space. They allow for possibility. They do not shut down all feeling or pretend there is no problem.
They just get you off the superhighway and onto a new path.
Your Reticular Activating System
Here is where it gets really interesting.
What is the RAS?
Your brain has something called the reticular activating system (RAS). It is basically a filter that determines what information gets through to your conscious awareness.
You cannot possibly process every piece of information coming at you every second. So your RAS filters for what it thinks is important based on what you have been focusing on.
If you are thinking "my teenager doesn't respect me," your RAS will show you every single piece of evidence that confirms that thought. Every eye roll. Every forgotten chore. Every sigh.
It will completely filter out the moments they helped without being asked. The sweet text they sent you. The way they hugged you goodnight.
Your RAS is not trying to torture you.
It is trying to help you by showing you what you have told it is important.
When you practice new thoughts, you literally reprogram your RAS to filter for different information.
The Gratitude Practice Connection
This is why gratitude practices work. Not because they are fluffy or just nice to do.
When you practice noticing what you are grateful for, you are literally retraining your RAS to filter for positive information instead of just threats and problems.
You are bushwhacking a new neural pathway that says "look for what is working" instead of only "look for what is broken."
This Is Brain Training, Not Wishful Thinking
The Gym Metaphor
Think of this like going to the gym. The first time you do a bicep curl, it is hard. Your muscle shakes. You can only do a few reps.
But if you practice consistently, that muscle gets stronger. The movement becomes easier. Eventually, you can lift more weight with less effort.
Your brain works the same way. The first time you try to think "my teenager is learning responsibility" instead of "they don't respect me," it will feel awkward. Fake. Hard.
Your brain will want to snap back to the superhighway. That is normal. That is expected.
But if you keep practicing, that new thought becomes easier. More natural. More automatic.
Eventually, you have built a new superhighway. One that serves you instead of sabotaging you.
The Order Matters: Regulate First, Then Reframe
One critical thing: you cannot reframe when you are dysregulated.
If your nervous system is activated, if you are flooded with emotion, if you are in fight-or-flight mode, your prefrontal cortex (the thinking part of your brain) is offline.
You have to regulate your nervous system FIRST. Use the NAP Method to process the emotion in your body. Use the STOP Method to get grounded.
THEN reframe. That is the AERO Method: Awareness, Emotional Regulation, Reframe, Ownership of Outcomes.
In that order. Always.
You Are Not Stuck with Your Current Neural Pathways
Here is the truth that changes everything:
Your brain is not fixed. Your thought patterns are not permanent. Your neural pathways can change.
The superhighways you built as a child do not have to be the routes you take for the rest of your life.
You can bushwhack new paths. You can build new routes. You can retrain your brain.
It takes practice. It takes awareness. It takes intention.
But it is absolutely possible.
The same brain that automated your suffering can automate your healing.
You just have to be willing to walk a new path. Over and over. Until it becomes the new superhighway.
Start Small
You do not have to overhaul every thought pattern today. Start with one.
Pick one automatic thought that keeps showing up. One that creates suffering. One that keeps you stuck.
Notice it. Question it. Reframe it.
Do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.
Watch what happens when you stop driving down the same old road and start bushwhacking something new.
Your brain is waiting. The forest is wide open. Time to build a new path.
Ready to Retrain Your Brain?
Want to break free from old thought patterns? I teach clients exactly how to identify their automatic thoughts and build new neural pathways that serve them.
Ready for the complete toolkit? Combine brain retraining with emotional regulation techniques like the NAP Method for lasting transformation.
Ashley Jangro, LPCC
Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate specializing in anxiety, trauma, and emotional regulation. Based in Castle Rock, Colorado, Ashley helps individuals develop practical tools for managing emotions and creating lasting change through evidence-based approaches and somatic therapy techniques.
